Introducing My Social Anxiety; “It’s me, hi, I’m the Problem”

Let me share a story with you, a core memory of me and social anxiety. The scenario: A High school girl is grabbing dinner with her parents. Her parent orders her a burger, plain with ketchup. They grab the order then go to the car to eat, when the girl opens her burger it has cheese; she hates cheeseburgers, no offense to anyone who loves them. The parent says go back in there and ask for it to be fixed, she doesn’t want to. The parent yells at her but she refuses, the yelling goes on “We are not leaving till you do it”… she’s crying, but she goes and does it. The interaction with the employee was simple and easy, she got back in the car and her parent was satisfied. She opened her burger, no cheese…but also no ketchup. And who likes a dry burger.

Plot twist, I’m the girl, it’s me, HI!

And best believe I did not go back in there to ask for ketchup. I was already scared to order, which I didn’t do and I was scared to ask for a remake. The interaction was simple, but I overthink how the situation will play out. I got nervous because I don’t want to be an inconvenience or feel like I was taking someone’s space; I didn’t deserve the burger to be remade. Looking back, I am not mad at my parent for yelling; I get why it was frustrating because it was frustrating for me too. Everyday simple interactions were and are hard for me and I wish it wasn’t.

I’m the Problem

Now I’ve had social anxiety for as long as I remember and this scenario is just one form of it. It has hindered me so much in life and made me look back with regret; on the friends I could have made, the things I could have accomplished, and the person I may have become. I look at those who are bold to speak out whenever or even just enjoy simple conversations; with envy. The common denominator of it all is me and my mind. I still get anxiety when I talk to people or even just to put in food order.

I need to learn to feel uncomfortable in a social interaction in order to get comfortable. If you also deal with social anxiety then you know what I am talking about. We both may need to understand that interactions amongst each other are only awkward if you make it awkward. We have to be brave to speak because as we get to know each other the anxiety goes away. If we do this then we can keep moving forward and not lead a life with regrets.

Moving on

Do I know where all this social anxiety comes from; yeah I think so. But stories to come on that another time. Is the social anxiety in me going to cease to exist, probably not. But I’ll definitely learn to cope with it better and not let it hinder me in life; especially on the journey I am about to go on. I would like to not let the fear of social interactions get the best of me so that way I can live life to the fullest.

BTW I waited to eat the burger at home so I could put ketchup on it. Special thanks to Taylor Swift for that Iconic line.